More than Enough

All of you
Is more than enough for
All of me
For every thirst and, every need.
You satisfy me
With your love,
And all I have in you
Is more than enough...

This is one of my favorite worship songs and I got to hear it on the way home from feeding Kai at a friend's house tonight. It came at the right time, as I feel myself coming down with Ben's flu.

Here is the much needed update:
My mom and dad took Kaylin and Kav for a couple days. A newer good friend of mine Kari took Kai for today and tonight. She is a brave soul for wanting to deal with Kai tonight and one of the most giving people I've ever known. It is one of the best gifts I've been given ever as a mom, yet the house feels so weird tonight I wonder if I'll be able to sleep.

I was so thankful for today. And for tonight. I'm thankful for friends and family coming around me in the right way when I felt I had nothing left to give. Tomorrow morning my sister-in-law will take Kai before I get Kjo and Kav for one more chance to accomplish something important. I've had other offers of help as well.

I'm doing everything I can to fight off this bug (with the limited herbs I can take while nursing) but judging by how hard it hit Ben it just may not be enough this time. That will make it the first time in the last couple years I've felt myself coming down with a virus and haven't been able to get rid of it within the day before the real sickness comes. I suppose I shouldn't be so pessimistic, but Ben's been miserable 4 days now, and none of our favorite homeopathic remedies are helping him much this time.

I'm surprised by how little I am anxious about this. If I get what Ben has I don't know how we'll make it through the weekend, especially considering my mom let me know the kids seem to be getting worse. Kaylin already fought off two bugs last week, Kav one, Kai one and me one, so I thought we were all done! They seemed perfectly fine when they left for grandma's (minor colds).

Yet I feel calm and encouraged by the music tonight. I know He'll provide a way through this. Somehow things always turn out okay.

Thanks everyone for their prayers and support.

Happily Ever After

One of my favorite things about being a mom is watching my kids' mental abilities develop. Their ability to learn, remember, put "two and two together"... etc.

So here are a bunch of examples of the little things that bring joy to
my day, mostly in everyone's favorite format: cute quotes.

The other day I decided to be adventurous and flip the radio dial from
KTIS. Country was first. After a few guitar chords of Dixie Chicks
aired, Kaylin shouted out "It's Old McDonald!" A few seconds later
when I paused on KDWB I got to hear "he said stupid!" Hmmm... I"ve
been trying to teach them when it is and isn't okay to stupid (we
don't call people stupid...) but it's now evident that we just need to
stop using that word all together.

Yes, she hears every word. Just yesterday we were enjoying some
country music at home. "Mommy, he said 'kick you in the butt!' "
Shoot. I liked that song. Clay Walker's "Then What," actually a good
song about why you shouldn't cheat on your spouse..."whacha gonna do when you can't turn back on the bridges you've burned, and they can't wait to kick you in the butt, then what..." Later in the song..."Mommy, he said 'consequences'!" Then they got silly. "He
said 'off'!" Later she got a kick out of the song "Dreaming with my eyes wide open."

Everywhere we drive they know where we're going. They recognize
landmarks; a year ago Kaylin knew when we were close to home. Now
it's "We're going to Kari's house!" "We're going to church!" Kav is
joining in too. More impressive was recently, when I was going over a
bridge about 10 miles from home with construction on it that we go
over about once a week. Kaylin said, "Drive on the right road this
time so you don't hit a car." I knew what she was referring to. A
couple weeks ago on that same bridge I had to swerve because a car rolled through a stop sign.

Kavan's memory capacity keeps growing too. One time when buttoning up his shirt he thought I missed one and started whining. He really wanted me to button the top one. I told him we don't do that one because it would make it too tight. Maybe I said it would choke him. Now every time he gets dressed:
"Don't do the top one!"

After preschool the other day, the one at Ben's high school, the fire
alarm went off as they were leaving the building anyway at the end of
class. In an ironic twist, Kav was crying that he didn't like that
and Kaylin said it wasn't too loud and she wasn't afraid. She asked
me why it went off and then attempted to answer her own question.
"because somebody was cooking something in the kitchen and there was smoke." Oh, is that what happened at our house once??? She must not have been satisfied with her answer though because she continued to ask 'why?' all the way home. Hence my voice problems. It is hurting lately, and so is Ben's. I talk all day long and always at a very loud volume to be heard over their fighting. Add that to teaching exercise classes and I'm in trouble.

In another example where she puts two and two together - To the
stuffed Hershey's Hug and Kiss on our counter for Valentine's day:
"Is this one a zebra?" (to the hug, of course!)

Then there is Kaylin's honesty I could do without. "Why is your face
a little red?" (because I don't have makeup on) "Your nose is red."
"Mommy, are you having another baby?" "No, I'm sorry honey, I'm not
having another baby." (I apologized because I thought we were back on the subject where she wants a sister.) "But your tummy is getting
big." Thank you Ben for clarifying to her that my tummy is not big and that it is GETTING SMALLER!

Kavan is quite the imitator. To Ben, when putting him on a time
out."Daddy, you know better."

Kaylin is figuring out how we are different from others and noting
these things... wanting to join the "in crowd." "We need a van."
"When are we getting a duck (deck)?" The latest (while whining) -
"Mommy, Rachel and Jon's walls are painted. When are we going to
paint our walls?"

She is picking up on our health-conscious choices. To candy she wants
to eat. "It doesn't have any sugar in it." To a water fountain she
just took a drink at: "This water's good. It doesn't have any
chemicals in it." To a plastic cup that I accidentally called her
glass. "It's not a glass, it's made of vinyl." Actually it's not, but
interesting how she put the plastic-vinyl connection together.

One of the hardest part of the stage they've gotten to is making an
effort not to fight in front of them! Suddenly it's evident how much
they hear and how it affects them. I didn't think it was that bad the
other night, but later Kaylin said to Ben "You need to talk to God and
mommy needs to talk to Jesus and He'll tell you to be nice to each
other's hearts." Ouch!

We hope we made up for it the next night when she saw us kissing and exclaimed "You lived happily ever after!"

A Good Rule to Follow

A counselor once declared me to be a rule-follower. I live my life by a list of dos and don'ts, choosing what I "should" do, and not leaving much room for "what I feel like."

Although she explaind how this contributes to my stress, I think sometimes this may be a good thing. Today I followed the "mom rule" - save yourself first. The one I hear in every parenting talk I've ever heard, and read in every book on mothering. It goes like this: Follow the stewardess. Put on your own oxygen mask first; you can't help anyone else when you can't breathe.

So after another hard week of realizing how much it actually does affect my family when I'm so crabby and resentful all the time, today I paid a friend to watch my kids and I sat in the hot tub. This was very difficult to do with my neverending to-do list. I did not want to get in. I felt mad about this choice. I threw in the lavendar aromatherapy bubble bath, and as I was turning on the jets Ben called.

"I am hoping to come out a new person!" I said. He laughed. "Who do you want to come out as?" "I don't know! somebody sane!"

I don't want to carry this stress any more. For Lent, I am giving up my stress. And maybe sugar. The jury's still out on that one.

I was inspired by my women's Bible study book the other day: "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World," and today I'm making a conscious effort to give give God my stress. He's the only one who can carry it for me; the necessary step is to let Him. So with a trusting heart and a purposed mind (it helps to make a few smart decisions - like checking email less often!!!)... here I go.

I'll end with a cute quote - although maybe not so funny. Last night when Kaylin was asked by Ben how preschool was that day, this was her response.

(Loud sigh). "I just don't know. I was tired and stressed. There was a lot of people there."

I did emerge from the jacuzzi a "new person." Rather wrinkled, but quite refreshed.

Coming off the Night Shift

When I got to the dentist today for my 6-month checkup the hygienist asked if I had just gotten off the night shift. She was not being sarcastic. When I told her no she almost didn't believe me, and went on and on about how tired I looked. Finally I told her I have 3 kids under 5.

That is worse than the night shift. It IS a night shift, but it's a day shift too. And an evening shift. You never get a break. I haven't slept more than 6 hours in a night in months, and 6 is even rare and broken up. Although my physical energy level never ceases to amaze me, my mental energy is gone. I'm a mean mom and a crabby wife.

She started complimenting me on my teeth and told me I looked darling, to make up for her comments on how tired I looked. Then she said I must be a great mom. How would she know?! I listened to a good half hour of flattery and empathy regarding my sleep and mom status. I really wasn't in the mood for it, and I wasn't much of a conversationalist with her hands and instruments in my mouth. The visit ended as usual, with their suggestion of bleaching my tea-stained teeth. Today she said it just may be the boost I need as a mom of 3 kids under 5. Only $350.

I am not feeling positive today. I am behind on dishes, behind on laundry, my house is a mess, I have about 40 emails in my inbox waiting for a response, several phone calls I need to make... and it's not like I have happy obedient children to show for it. Right now all I want to do is cry. Or write. That's what I chose. Now back to laundry.

Superbowl Giggles

Tonight with baby Kai was so precious. Although Ben and I planned on finishing the game ourselves after the kids went down, Kai had other plans. We wondered if our babysitter had given him coffee beans. Since he hadn't seen us most of the day (Shayna came to help w/ kids in the morning and this evening we took them to a sitter so we could go to a restaurant to watch the game), he probably just wanted to play.

For a whole hour we got wide-eyed grins, giggles and games. He was trying to bite us. Giggles. He was pulling Ben's drawstring out of his sweatshirt with his teeth. Giggles. He would pull Ben's hand from resting on his stomach to up over his eyes. Major giggles. And before all of this Kai "cruised" for the 1st time. He pulled himself along the coffee table and then into my arms for a big hug.

Ben and I had a blast with Kai tonight, and suddenly he didn't seem so "behind" either.