I love you, Supermom

Kaylin and I enjoyed our "girls' day" today. We went to the dentist (which she thought was a blast) together. She was proud of being "bigger" and reminded me several times Kavan cannot come with. We made jewelry together. We ran to get the milk together. Again, "Kavan cannot come with. Just me and you mommy, right? Kavan can't come because he fights with me."

It was affirmed to me that her primary love language is "quality time" when she on several occasions said "I love you mommy" as we strung the beads. At one point she declared "I love you, Supermom!" I was impressed with her coming up with and giving me this title, until I later found out from Ben they have been coached at bedtime to say "I love you Superdad." At the time I felt proud that in my mind she finally recognized all that I do. I'm not sure she has that great of a respect for my role though. At another point in the beading she said, "I want to be a teacher when I get bigger," "You do? You want to be a teacher?" "Yeah, but I might turn into a mom though" (sounding disappointed).

Among other wise words and expressions from Kaylin this week:

"We need to build a new house with a duck." "A what?!" "A duck" "Why do we need a house with a duck?" "So we don't fall. We can't fall in the water because there's sharks in the pond. They're going to BITE us and eat us all gone in their throats." TRANSLATION: We need a DECK, so we don't fall out the sliding glass door.

After hiding her baby doll under a laundry basket: "My baby's going in the fiery furnace and she's not getting out!" Be careful what Bible stories you read your kids.

Kavan's starting to have some cute quotes of his own, that I can appreciate! "I like that shirt on you mommy!"

Kai's starting to "scream babble" and just enjoyed his first bite of food the other day. Avocado!

My Night Owl

Here is the new reason I don't get enough sleep. Does he look the least bit tired to you? These pics were taken at 10 p.m.






Just when I finally realize that I need to get to bed earlier to get enough sleep and am willing to follow through, along comes baby night owl.

Today I've been up since 4 a.m. This time it was the air filter, then Kai then Kaylin. Thought someone was in the house, couldn't figure out where this funny noise was coming from and it was one of the air filters. It's always something. I've often wondered why God doesn't want me to sleep. What do these almost daily nighttime interruptions have to do with his grand plan for me? Surely there's a better way. :)

I had this idea that once each baby was sleeping through the night I would be too. But being a light sleeper there's no shortage of things to wake me up around here. The cat, somebody's nightmare, somebody has to go potty, somebody's teeth, somebody's cold, somebody snoring, somebody tossing and turning, somebody waking up to cry for 5 seconds and then falling back to sleep, the wind, the crows, an alarm someone set for the wrong time... I could go on and on but I have to go to the dentist. It will be the most peaceful hour of my day.

First Spaghetti then Sprinklers

Questions in Her Voice

Today I got an extra dose of Kaylin's chattering as it was only her and Kai in the back seat on the way to and from St. Paul for their well-checks. No Kavan to keep her entertained. I wish I had a tape recorder to catch everything she says, knowing some day how much I'd appreciate it. For now I admit to getting impatient with her endless questions. My answers never seem to satisfy. There's always a "Why?" and at times I just can't come up with any more details for her.

At one point she said "I have a lot of questions in my voice." This is the truest thing she has said today, although it was quite out of context. I had just let her know she was going to the dentist next week and she had responded with "I want to sit in the chair by myself this time." I was absolutely amazed that she remembered the previous time there almost a year ago when she sat in the chair in my lap.

Among other interesting aspects of our car conversation was trying to convince her the St. Paul Cathedral was a church and not a castle. And then, "I have an idea!" she said excitedly,"How 'bout we call it a church castle?!"

Her dreams also inspire interesting conversation. She wakes up often in the middle of the night, often crying from a nightmare. I wish now I'd written down each one. A couple nights ago she was crying very hard suddenly at 2 a.m. and when I asked her what she dreamt about she continued crying "I didn't have any pillows!"

And then there are her more important questions. The ones she asks and I desperately hope to be answering correctly. Today I explained to her that she shouldn't ask her friend Jordan questions about his dad. (That morning they were playing together and after the sound of Ben grinding coffee beans she asked him if his dad grinds coffee. He thought a few seconds and then said "we don't make coffee any more.")

"Why?" was her obvious response to my request. "Because he doesn't have a dad any more." "Why" "Because his daddy died." "Because he was hit by a car?" she asked - I was shocked to hear something other than "why". "Yes, he was hit by a car." "Why" "Because his daddy was a police officer (I immediately wished I hadn't said that) and he was hit by a bad guy." "Why was he a bad guy?" "Because he was trying to get away from the police." "Why" "Because he was naughty." "Why?" I think this is the point where the circular arguments started "He was bad because he was naughty because he was a bad guy..."

Tomorrow I will hope for more fun, lighthearted conversation. And more patience for the endless "questions in her voice!"

Jesus Does Not Walk Away From Your Heart

After getting Kai down for his morning nap I couldn't find Kaylin right away. When I found her in her room she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she said "Jesus isn't in my heart any more." I was shocked and I asked her why she thought that. "Because He walked away." Before I concluded my daughter was under major spiritual attack I asked her why she was crying and she admitted she fell off her bed. I asked her more about her feelings of Jesus walking away, etc. but she didn't have much to say about that. I explained that Jesus never walks away from us and that He is always in our hearts. I further explained that some times we can still be sad when Jesus is in our hearts but He's always there to help us feel better. I asked if we could pray and thank Jesus for being in our hearts. She readily agreed. So holding her in my lap with her head buried in my shoulder, we thanked Jesus for never walking away from our hearts.

The Mystery of a Good Week

I sit here baffled by new feelings of peace and contentment at the end of a week. This week went so well. The kids and I got along better than ever and though the condition of this house leaves much to be desired I don't feel buried by my to-do list.

I actually have a hunch at what made the biggest difference. My renewed patience and more positive attitude after extensive breaks from the kids. 2 breaks a day at camp last week (3 counting nap time!), and "easing back into my role" this week with all the babysitters.

I still feel like I got a lot of time to interact with the kids this week. Their behavior must really be affected by the feedback they get from my mood. For the first time in a long time I felt an emotional connection with Kaylin; this has been a challenge since my bedrest days before Kav! If patience and a better attitude are key to their good behavior, then the lesson of this week will stick with me for years to come.

As far as the part of the equation that involved breaks from the kids - it bugs me if that's part of the solution. I'm a stay-at-home-mom and frequent breaks from kids isn't the lot I chose in life. So what gives? I don't think I'm supposed to work more (except for temporarily due to finances, and I just thought of 2 more restaurants to apply to today, yay!), and I can't keep affording babysitters so often. I find myself jealous of my friends that have local parents who take their kids frequently. I think I need to start my own Forest Lake babysitting co-op. But I'll have to hire a babysitter to have time to do it!

Underwhelmed, Overspent

It has been too long since I wrote "overwhelmed." Perhaps everyone thinks I'm still buried under the laundry. I figure it's time for a positive update.

I've caught up with all the important things. I've even managed to stay on top of the things I usually get behind on on a daily basis, despite Ben's extra overtime this week. This is because I hired babysitters. 4 times. I couldn't really afford this, but perhaps it was worth the peace of mind. I figured 5.00 an hour was justified by Ben's overtime pay.

I'm happy with my week. The times I did get with the kids went well. We got along better than usual and had some fun times. Perhaps because I got a break. Perhaps because Kaylin has Jesus in her heart! :) She is definitely a sweeter spirit this week.

Tonight I filled out job application number 2. I thought I could just work wherever I wanted right away. But the place has to be hiring. And the place has to be willing to work around a husband's schedule and a baby's schedule.

I wasn't as excited to apply as I thought I'd be. (I want to be a waitress again a couple of shifts a week, for those who don't know.) I miss serving but as I wrote about shift preferences I realized what a challenge this is going to be with Kai's feeding schedule, and that I may have to work more than I want to to be considered for a job. "Make it work" is my only option right now. I'm realizing I'd rather wait a few more months, as Kai's schedule is becoming more predictable all the time yet has not quite arrived. But money's not going to just show up in his diapers the next few months. I guess it's time to start brainstorming what restaurant #3 will be.

Overwhelmed

There is no better way to describe my state of mind as I arrive home after a week away and try to resume life as normal again.

There is not just the stack of snail mail these days, there's the stack of emails, times 2 since I haven't downscaled to one email address yet.

There is not just 5 loads of laundry to put in, there are 5 loads of clothes to sort through to first find all the stained items to pretreat.

There is not just my bag to unpack, I think there ended up being about 7 duffel bags total.

There is not just a lack of food to make meals out of in the house, there is the long-gone-bad food in the fridge that never should have been left there before we left.

There are not just 2 kids who need the usual amount of attention, there are 2 clingy children who spent way too much time apart from us this last week and now don't want to let us out of their sight. Kavan didn't even want to play in the nursery today.

There is not just an overtired off-schedule baby. There is an off-schedule baby who has an upset tummy from my penicillin and doesn't want to eat much at one time, leading to numerous nursing sessions and minimal sleep.

There is not just a potty routine to get into with Kavan again to prevent accidents. There are 2 constipated kids from eating unnatural foods all week.

There is not just a day to unwind before Ben goes back to work his 6-day week. There is just this one day to: completely switch Ben's schedule to be awake during the night, be at our church for a special guest speaker (where it was standing room only and it took us a half hour to leave the parking lot with 3 overtired kids in the backseat), complete with a phone call reminding of a forgotten about overtime shift this morning. Forgetting may have been the best thing for us.


But perhaps the most overwhelming thing is the mental exhaustion. After a week of camp I always feel convicted of the changes that need to be made. So there's not just the normal to-do list. There's spend more time with God. More time with the kids. More time with Ben. More time getting healthy (exercise, eating better). Figure out the finances better. Get a job. Restore relationships. Find the secret approach to discipline.

All those pressing issues and yet all I can do for now is get back to the laundry.

I should mention that I do NOT as usual have to put away all the laundry I'd done before our trip. The piles were strewn about everywhere in my living room and I came home to surprise - a clean floor! So I'd like to express a huge THANK YOU to my friend Jennifer who finished folding all my laundry and put it upstairs for me. I can't imagine a truer friend than one who helps reduce the "overwhelm" a bit following a vacation.

Perfect Couple II - disclaimer

So Ben didn't like my post, said it was "gossipy." I have a hard time seeing it that way when I have no intention of revealing their identity. Anyway, I want to make it clear that I didn't mean to be overall negative about them. They are probably wonderful people. I really would enjoy getting to know them better in the future at camp and I'm sure there are more inaccuracies than accuracies in my assumptions about them. As is probably obvious I was LOOKING for flaws in order to make a point. I can list many more flaws of my own. Back to laundry...

Jesus is in Her Heart

Kaylin asked Jesus into her heart today! These were the words of Dianne her teacher as we picked her up from her preschool classroom this morning. I fought back the tears as she shared the story with us. Thankfully Ben was with. For some reason I asked him to come; we usually each pick up a kid by ourselves.
Her teacher, a recent widow who is a friend of my parents', had shared an age-appropriate story of how she had become a Christian and asked the kids if any of them wanted to ask Jesus to come in to their hearts too. Kaylin was the first to raise her hand. She repeated a prayer after her. The angels are celebrating today and so are we.

Random Updates from Camp

When we got here Kaylin said "We forgot our boat." She looked sad, concerned, and serious. The next day again. "We forgot our boat. We'll have to find somebody else's boat." In case there is any confusion, NO, we do not have a boat.

Kavan is doing better going potty here than at home!

Kaylin's still crying this year during the class singing time. I solved the mystery though! I asked her "Kaylin, why don't you like when other kids sing loud?" "I'm a princess" she said,"Princesses don't like loud stuff." Indeed, she is dressed in a different Disney Princess dress every time we pick her up from her class. Today she was Cinderella, her favorite she says.

Kai remains a night owl as much as ever, kept us up until 11:30 last night :(. He's nursing SO often it's like having a newborn. (Because he's WAY off schedule).

It takes 2 CCAs to get our kids to bed most nights. Tuesday night there were FOUR. 2 CCAs, a CCA counselor, and the CCA director.

Our regular CCA is Melissa Barggman, the director's granddaughter. I feel bad for our new reputation as the family no one wants to CCA for! I don't think it's been that bad for her actually, just bedtime.

The grounds here are beautiful. The staff loves our conference being here. I'm overwhelmed with new things I want to try - hiking to new areas, climbing lookout towers, going into the new town...none of which will get done this year. I have to remind myself I have many more years for these opportunities. We'll have to wait to have grandparents to help. :)

The food here is better than the last place, but they have less choices. I'm hungry most of the time. Lots of iceberg salad bars for me. I have a few things to take up with somebody here if they'll listen... the lines are so long. And today when they had 4 lines open, I went to get in one and they said it was closed! They were shutting down 2 buffet lines when it was still busy.

Then there's the MSG incident. I expect it fully to be in more food than they even realize, so I was surprised to see it labeled one night.
There were 2 dinner choices. Labels read "Penne Alfredo. Contains MSG" and "Sloppy Joes. Contains MSG" WHAT?! There were no other choices that night. So why warn you? So you can feel bad or starve? I chose starving that night and loaded up on vegetables.

The speakers are all great, no one "spectacular" to me but all good. I have yet to be able to go to all the sessions in a given day. I feel like I'm missing out on a lot.

We've had one free time activity so far, a tram tour of the grounds which the kids enjoyed, despite it being an hour long. Most of our free times have been spent only trying to get the kids to nap. I've got to go back and check on Ben and make sure everyone's asleep. Hopefully we'll actually have time to do something today afterwards.

Perfect Couple

I notice them every year here. I’m sure every one else does too, everywhere they go. They must be in their late 40’s by now. And they are SO beautiful. They don’t look a whole lot younger than they are, but they are so attractive and so incredibly fit for their age. They stand out still in a camp of 800 people this week. They are athletic, highly fashionable, well-dressed, obviously wealthy, always seeming happy together, smiling and laughing at all times throughout the day in their conversations with others. They look like they have it all together. During the meeting this morning I had this thought that it would be interesting to sit by them during a meal and find out more about them. But would they be “too good” to talk to us? They seemed to chat mostly with their high-class friends.

God has a sense of humor. An hour later we were sitting at their lunch table. This was a total coincidence. When we picked the table they were getting their food, so we didn’t know who’d saved their seats at our table.

They never talked to us because they had a friend they were chatting with the entire time. And by that conversation I learned plenty. The first part of the conversation was small-talk about various people. For each person they mentioned how good-looking and how successful that person was. Their definition of “successful” seemed to revolve around owning businesses.

In the second part the husband was gone and it was just 2 women talking. I learned this wasn’t his first marriage. I learned there are difficult issues with his ex-wife and daughter. I learned she felt hurt early on in their marriage by his past reputation as a “player,” which people would bring up jokingly even in front of their children. I learned she finds him still flirtatious but admits she is too. Then a younger man who I guessed to be her sons' counselor (they have 2 boys in high school) came up to say hi, and I got to see her major flirting right on the spot!

All this to say the grass isn’t always greener, and appearances aren’t everything. I should have guessed that their looks didn’t come without a major focus in their life being attractiveness. I would like to hear more of their conversations. I would be interested in finding out what they’ve missed along the way. There’s more to life than good looks and “success.”

I’m taking a drug

I thought a title like that might at least make Shayna interested in reading :). I have strep.

I normally treat things naturally, but strep takes more than a week to feel better under the natural Tx options I’m aware of (vs. more than 2 weeks if left untreated). I am on vacation. I don’t want a miserable week, and a sick mom would mean a difficult vacation for the entire family.

I told myself I would start eating better after the 1st (after my birthday…after our anniversary…). Then I changed it to the 4th…Ha. It’s too late. After consuming entirely too much sugar in a week of celebrating and not remembering to take probiotics one time, I have to subject my poor baby boy to penicillin. The bacteria that has perhaps been living inside my body since Ben had strep was finally given the chance to thrive.

Here’s a nutrition lesson for those interested, regarding just one way in which sugar weakens immunity. The immune system’s #1 organ is the intestines. The “good bacteria” (probiotics) and “bad bacteria” in our bodies compete for attachment sites here. The “bad bacteria” feeds on sugar and multiplies. Probiotics are present in natural, raw foods and have been basically stripped from our modern-day overprocessed diets. They are now a necessary supplement. And 90% of probiotic supplements are tested to be dead by the time they leave the store shelf. The only commercial food with a good source of probiotics is yogurt. And unfortunately, even that new “Activia” yogurt that brags about its probiotic content has more sugar than cultures. (So choose plain organic yogurt, which ALWAYS has lots of cultures! It’s probably the same price.)

So it’s no coincidence that Ben’s first episode with strep came a day after eating an entire bag of twizzlers, and then the relapse after the first round of drugs came after an ice cream indulgence. So here’s my idea for a national health care plan – eliminate the refined sugar that’s in almost all our processed foods! Shoot. It sounds like I’m trying to push the burden for my health on government. That’s not very Republican of me.

Green

“What is your name? What is your middle name? What color is your house?” This is what Kaylin asks everyone she encounters. The most common color answer is “beige.” She does not know what that is. So, if you are currently building a house (m/d :) you may want to reconsider your siding color, or be prepared to tell her “light brown” and watch her wrinkle up her face. Kaylin Jo Johnson has a green house. Her face lights up every time we pull in the driveway, as she exclaims “it’s our green house!”

Today we are traveling across Wisconsin and we stopped at a McD’s playland to give the kids a break from their carseats. At first Kaylin did not want to play, for two reasons: There were no green slides (pink, purple, and yellow weren’t good enough), and the obvious – the other kids were being too noisy.

I have suspected green to be her favorite color since she was a baby and seemed to prefer the green toy hanging on the bar of her bouncy seat.

Update July 10: I asked her what color her house was. She said “brown. Brown is my favorite color.” WHAT?!

The Most Patriotic Place

I can't think of a better place to spend the 4th of July than Ontario, WI. Small Town U.S.A. Population 476. Middle of Nowhere. Generations of families reuniting in the hometown for barbecues and the annual festivities. (Don't mistake my "making fun" in this article - I would not have changed a thing!)

Our first event was the community talent show the night before. The entire population was crowded into the small town hall, where it was standing room only, a hundred degrees and about 200% humidity. The kids were less than thrilled to be held in place for 2 hours past their bedtime, and we were less than thrilled to see one girl perform 4 acts, 3 almost identical, with long shoe-changing sessions in between. We would later find out the show lasted past 11 p.m. We were happy to leave after the performance we had been waiting for, watching my grandma wave around a fly swatter for the red hat society.

Things did get better from there! We found our motel room in a neighboring town to be larger and cleaner than I expected for $45 a night, and Kjo and Kav managed to share a double bed without incident. It was Kav's first time out of a crib. Kai unfortunately woke up with the sun, but 4 hours later we were packed up and on our way back to my grandparents' for the big parade. I believe last time I saw it I wore a poodle skirt and roller skated behind the 63 corvette, a central feature of the parade that decided to break down right before the start today. This was the same corvette we drove away from the church on our wedding day in.

It seemed a sad sign that my grandpa turned over his MC role and now stood by for a few instances of colorful commentary. He seems to be the most important guy in town. The town's history is his history. The house he still lives in above the hardware store he ran for his entire career is the home he was born in.

We didn't get to spend as much time with my grandma as we'd have liked - she was once again busy with her rad hat club. SOCIETY. Sorry, Grandma. This time she rode on a float and threw candy right at my camera, giving me the perfect shot. As usual, I took more pictures than a professional photographer, and enjoyed capturing everyone in their red white and blue outfits. Especially my niece Alyssa on her 1st birthday.

The parade was a hit for Kavan, who enjoyed retrieving the candy and making his pile. I was excited when Organic Valley drove by and threw us string cheese so he could finally eat something. Kaylin was back upstairs by now, the only 4-year-old on the face of this earth who doesn't like parades. She had been covering her ears before the Brookwood High School band even arrived. Ben was happy to get out of the heat and join her in their box seats in front of the upstairs window looking out over Main Street, from where she wasn't even afraid of the firetrucks. Tonight she will be afraid of the fireworks, and we will wonder why we went through all the trouble to keep them up late. By tomorrow our whirlwind 500 mile trip will be over. Back to the "insane mundane"...at least until the even bigger trip coming up in a few days!