Updates on our Lives!

Tonight is one of several times I hired a sitter this week while Ben’s working his biggest OT week of the year, just to prevent complete overwhelm. So the thought of using this time to write instead of accomplish anything more pressing on my to-do list caused me to feel momentarily ill with anxiety. I think that’s why I decided to do it. So much for the comprehensive fitness assessment I have to have designed by Thursday afternoon or the financial dilemmas that would be hugely solved if I just got the may/june budget balanced finally (balanced = try to find money to pull out of thin air). I am so frustrated with the obligation-race of life. I remember a year ago when I started this blog and I was so excited for this new outlet, this new opportunity for ”me time” that I wanted to make a priority. I actually feel I did pretty well for a long time. But what once seemed like a reasonable goal has of late become an impossibility, considering I try to eat and even sleep a little in each 24-hour period.

In the past few months there actually have been a few journals written, or at least parts of them, and hopefully they will eventually be posted. I just never got around to finalizing even one. Sadly many cute quotes from the kids have come and gone. I know those are my readers’ favorites. At this time I certainly feel I owe everyone at least an update on our lives… a brief explanation of this time period in which I’ve been presumed M.I.A.

Shall we start with the youngest of the clan? I can say with confidence that “Sweet Baby Kai” has achieved toddlerhood now. I hope to get some of his first steps on YouTube soon, and some updated photos on this blog as well.

The first steps, as with my other two, were accomplished by enticing him towards something he knows he’s not supposed to touch, in this case TV buttons. This was a few days ago, and now he will freely let go of one piece of furniture and move to the other – as long as there are only 2 or 3 steps in between. He certainly needs to have something to reach for. It is only fear that has held him back on this one. Although he has yet to say a real word, his speech is developing very quickly these last couple months. He loves to babble and yell, and say ba-bah to anyone leaving the front door, if he is in the right mood. His favorite activities involve emptying and filling containers, stacking blocks, and rolling balls and cars back and forth with us.

Despite the recent thrills, before any of them happened I started being proactive with his developmental delays and contacted the county early childhood intervention program – for the second time. The first was at about a year, and they feel just horrible they somehow lost me in the system and never got back to me. They have been out to the house for various meetings and evaluations of Kai 4 times now in the last month or so. The results are in and Kai qualifies for assistance because he scored significantly low in the following areas (in order from the lowest): Gross Motor, Social/Emotional, Fine Motor, Adaptive Behaviors, and Speech. His speech qualification was borderline, and his cognitive score was within normal limits. Starting in the school year Kai will see an occupational therapist in our home once a week. There are other specialists that will work with the OT to assist with his plan that could also be coming out to the house, but an OT will be able to help best with the wide range of areas he has needs in.

Kai has been my most difficult baby in so many ways. I’m sure just the time challenges of the other two is a big part of it. His gross motor scores are no surprise considering the amount of time we have spent holding him! It is a relief when Ben arrives home to help, however that isn’t the end of our problems with him. Then he will not go to me! He has become the biggest “daddy’s boy” we have had. He’ll be fine until he sees Ben, but once Ben is around if he does not have his complete attention or is not in his arms he is crying. Many nursery workers have gotten a chuckle out of watching him seem somewhat excited to see me, and then freak out hysterically when he sees Ben, until he is in his arms. If Ben is holding him and I walk up to them, he will push me away. It makes me sad.

(Since the date this was originally written there are obviously more important updates regarding Kai and his health status, which I will post soon.)

Kavan

Our explosive bundle of energy meets every definition of the word “THREE.” Although he is typically our most difficult child at this time, I am thankful for that – because it means Kaylin is no longer! There is huge relief in knowing this stage in life too shall pass. Not much more than a year ago I thought Kaylin was always going to be my biggest challenge in life.

Along with ‘most difficult’ Kav also gets the label “most fun!” He is full of attitude and defiance but with the right tickle or bear hug you can soften his heart and bring him to his knees with laughter. Just don’t expect him to do anything that requires him to stop playing! Including go to the bathroom. Should you ignore his potty dance, an hour later he will be grabbing his pants, doing his one-legged squat, grunting, and still tell you he doesn’t have to go potty. When he is damp and crying, you still have to TELL him to go to the bathroom. This after being fully trained for more than a year.

Kav’s newest affection is rocks. He looks for them every where he goes. He hoards them in his pockets. They turn up in my washer. (Stone-washed jeans anyone?) On our way into church each week he looks for a rock. Since his Dad won’t let him bring it in, he places it on a ledge beneath a railing right before the door, and races to get back to it after the service. He knows exactly where he left it on the long ledge. His face lights up. “My rock!”

Kaylin

Kaylin is practicing kindergarten this summer, as she goes to her “program park” she calls it, several days a week. It runs Mon-Thurs mornings and I usually send her three of those four. After missing a real preschool experience, I was convinced this type of structure and social interaction would help her get ready for school. It is sponsored by the Y, so it is very inexpensive and I get an employee discount.

Mentally she is ready. I’m amazed at her emerging knowledge of the world around her. She is incredibly observant and notices so much more about the world around her than I do. One day we were heading south on the freeway by our house and she said “There’s a cross on that barn!” I had not seen it, nor had I ever noticed it on this frequently traveled route. I remember wondering how long it would be until the ACLU would get a law passed banning crosses from homes that can be seen from public freeways. Later that week we were traveling the other direction on that same stretch of road and this time Ben was with us. I happened to look up and see “the cross!” I told Ben the story. He then pointed out that every barn had them – it was a weathervane.

Kaylin asks tough questions that I don’t always have answers for. Like “where is heaven?” And today, “When does Jordan’s daddy get back from Heaven?”

I actually can answer that one, although I certainly don’t like the answer. And it leads to only so many more questions that I cannot answer – about Heaven, Jesus, God, life and death.

She wants to know as I tuck her into bed at night when we are going to Disney World. Ben was not thrilled that I told her when she is 9, and Kavan is 7 and Kai is 5. I remember when my parents gave us specific ages, and yes we held them to it, and they took us on time.

A couple cute quotes: “I’m getting a bad heart.” I really wish Ben would be more careful about his library book selections for her age group.

(The next one was after another potty dance episode from Kavan, who was refusing to go potty by saying “It went back in.”) “It does not go back in Kavan. Potty comes out of you and it does not go back in and turn into food again.”

Ben

My dear husband is under more stress than ever before in his life: working, overtime, school, his men’s group, the promotional process at work, 3 disobedient children desperate for his attention and an exhausted wife. Most of the time he is handling it all very well actually, and we are both learning to reduce our commitments and “say no” more for the sake of our sanity. Physical fitness has always been a huge stress reliever for him and it has been amazing to see the difference in his persona since we have started working out again. I’m sure there is much more to be said about Ben but I’ll have to convince him to do his own post again soon.

Karissa

That leaves me. Do I have my own life? I will write this and then decide. I certainly think this section will be geared more towards the family in general. I figured out that the last time I wrote a blog entry was the day before I started employment at the Y. So THAT’S what tipped me over the edge.

In all seriousness though, that has been the most wonderful change, I can’t even begin to describe how much I love working there 2 hours a week, and how much the whole fam enjoys going their regularly for our workouts. The kids love “KidStuff”. They love to go swimming, and attend activities like “Messy Play,” swimming lessons and gym time. Mom and Dad are much happier getting exercise again. It feels great to be getting back into shape. I love teaching Bodypump. I would do it for free, and yet I get paid to get my workout in and we get a much reduced membership rate, after which I still do end up coming away with income each month, although so far it has been spent on Bodypump clothing and other workout materials.

Perhaps the bigger reason I haven’t had time to write is my running group which started in April. The end of March and beginning of April I was suddenly working full-time, literally, getting the group up and running. It has continued to be more work than I planned on, mostly in the large amount of email communication with the 25 participants in my class. I have enjoyed every minute of it, and it’s great to be running again twice a week with the group, but I feel confident in my decision to charge more next year. I am offering the same rate to this year’s participants, and I’m pretty sure many will be back. I have been so excited to see how much the women love the group and to personally witness the healthy lifestyle changes. We don’t only run, we do walk/run intervals for more fat burning, and two overweight gals about my age have lost 25 pounds.

BUSY? – I am becoming convinced this is a very relative term. Let me back up - Recently I’ve felt convicted through more than one church sermon to “slow down” and make more room for enjoyment in life. I’ve thought about it long and hard to come up with ways to do this and was not able to come up with many ideas for changes to make. Sure there are the financially unrealistic (“don’t work”), but I couldn’t come up with many doable options for us. Instead I concluded for the most part we are doing what we can in this area. We are definitely learning to say no more, and I even took Kaylin out of a dance class that she loved, that was FREE, to get back to the “1 activity at a time rule” since we are in swimming lessons. Back to busy being a relative term: Despite the number of things going on the last few months and how crazy it all must sound, I feel less stressed than I have in a long time. I don’t consider us more busy because we take the kids to swimming lessons once a week. Let me tell you, when we are out and about with them, it feels a LOT less busy than being at home with them!

I often talk about how crazy it is, and typically I’m only referring to parenting 3 kids under 5. (Oh no, I can’t say that any more! I remember when I used to be able to say 3 kids under 4!) The truth is I really don’t like it most of the time and despite everyone’s warnings I really do look forward to them growing up a bit. People say all the time “enjoy them while they’re young” and Ben and I just can’t figure out how to do that when they are not enjoyable! I sometimes wonder if I would have had kids as soon as I did if I really would have known how hard it is. I sometimes wonder if I would have had kids! No wonder no one truly warns you, the population would go extinct!

I’m still trying to solve the mystery of where my time goes each day. I’m puzzled at how to find time to play with the kids. I prepare simple meals, serve them, clean up after them, do dishes and laundry, change diapers and force potty breaks, break up fights, and clean up spills and messes. I check email and only write back half the time. I long for having more to show for my day.

I write only to describe the mystery, not to complain. Okay maybe a little. But I am coming more and more to terms with my stage of life, reducing my expectations and accepting more my circumstances. I know how quickly these days will go by. I do not know how Kaylin became 5. Pretty soon Kai will be too. And then Kaylin will remind me we need to go to Disney World.