New Chaos

This is a new kind of chaos. I'm almost overwhelmed by it. I have one baby, and all the time in the world. Last time I had just one baby there was too much to do, too little time. 2 more kids later and there is still too much to do, too little time. It in incomprehensible that I could have felt the same with only one. Now with only one I feel a freedom that is too much to handle. He will sleep for a long time, at least twice a day for the next 3 days! And my housework was left behind. I sit here in a dark hotel room at 2 in the afternoon. I think I was too excited to nap, despite only 2 hours of sleep last night. I'm watching old movies on TV. They are capturing my interest even though I know what happens. I didn't think that was possible. There is still too much to do. Of course I couldn't leave home without bringing my "To-Do" pile with me. But there is all the time in the world. There are no deadlines. I think I'm finally starting to figure that out. I will still undoubtedly feel stress about how to best use my time. But I firmly believe it would NOT be good for me to accomplish my entire to-do list. Rather if I could make some time to enjoy myself, to enjoy life... I will arrive back home much more capable of conquering my little world again. I'm finally realizing this idea of being "caught up" is an illusion. It's not possible. It's time to start living anyway.